A Whole New Me?

It's hard to actually watch yourself change over a given period of time, but I think this summer seems to have been an exception. I can safely say I am a different person now. Of course I'm not sure how exactly, and a lot of my characteristics (good and bad) seem pretty much the same, but there is an undeniable feeling that I have transformed into something that I was not before.

The part of me that hates all change (a part that takes up a good 90% of me) hates this. Vehemently. But the other 10% thinks I may have gotten a little stronger, a little better at focusing on perhaps the more important things in life. And I hope that this makes me a better person.

I keep thinking "When my life settles down again, I'll figure this all out" but the problem is, my life isn't going to settle down again any time soon. But maybe that's just it. There is no moment of settling down and figuring out. Time keeps going and nothing sits still long enough to be understood or controlled or managed in a satisfying way. This is maddening, but maybe I'm an iota closer to accepting it now. Maybe. We'll see.

p.s. The picture above is of a trio of dahlias. They're gorgeous, no?