Diwali

It's not often that I feel like a foreigner, especially here in the U.S., but if you've read some of my recent posts you might notice that I've felt more like a newbie these days, kind of the odd man out in a certain sense. And last night was no exception.

This weekend was Dewali, the Indian festival of light. My roommate organized a gathering at our house, and over 25 people poured into our normally-large-seeming apartment, rendering it much smaller and more narrow than it's ever been. We sat on blankets on our living room floor for the worshipping ceremony, or the puja. One person explained some of the stories and traditions behind Dewali and we went around the room, introducing ourselves. My other roommate and I were the only people here who weren't Indian.

As much as I enjoyed the evening, learning about the holiday, listening to the bhajans (the chanted or sung prayers), and especially eating the food (chick peas, naan, samosas, and sticky sweet candies made with ground nuts and dried fruit), I couldn't help but find myself reeling a little from the feeling of being so utterly apart from this group. Almost everyone there had grown up celebrating this holiday. It was like they had a collective set of memories that I had no access to. I could barely pronounce the names of the deities on the sheet of paper we passed around to tell the story of the festival. It was all completely out of my realm of understanding.

But how else do you learn? If I could go back, I'd do it all over again. In fact, I'd probably push myself to ask more questions, to expose myself even more completely as the uninitiated, ignorant, and unworldly person I am. I look with envy upon people who seem to relish being the foreigner, soaking up all they can get of the new experience by thrusting themselves into places they've never been before, clamoring around and demanding explanations and information. I usually prefer to sit back and observe, always fully conscious of my conspicuousness.

But I was there, I watched, I played a role, however small it was. I helped set up, clean, and I contributed a set of Christmas lights. I met some incredibly nice people who willingly welcomed me as an outsider at their special celebration. So it's worth it, to reel a little.