A Glutinous Mass

I really wished I still had my digital camera this afternoon so that I could have taken a picture of the sticky glob of pasty goo that represented our attempt to make mashed potatoes. It could have been used to spackle a hole in the wall. It wouldn't leave the pot except in one oozing mass. We even killed our stick blender in an attempt to make it better. But little did we know, by beating it more, we were really only making the situation worse.

Evidently, the actual mashing of the potatoes can only be done in one of two or three very specific ways with one of two or three very specific kitchen tools that we did not have. Any deviation from these methods results in a break-down of the potato's starch molecules, which in turn produces the dreaded glutinous mass and, in extreme cases, also leaves you with a broken appliance. Needless to say, we cut our losses and dumped the whole operation into the garbage.

Because these potatoes were destined for Thanksgiving dinner, this situation fazed me a bit more than it might have otherwise. Now we are left with a bit of dilemna. Obviously, as you can tell, I am completely traumatized and may never again attempt a mashed potato recipe.

But that doesn't mean we are off the hook for Thursday; we're supposed to show up promptly at 3 with a steaming dish of the fluffy, whipped tubers. We've admitted our defeat however and are hoping for a change in assignment. I can do salads. I can do roasted vegetables of any kind. But please don't ask me ever again to mash a potato. I will look both ways and run like hell before the you've even finished the question.