Trials

Life has not been particularly easy for me or the people I love over the past few weeks. But despite all the things there are to be sad about or to worry incessantly about, I still find myself doing things like noticing beautiful flowers and laughing. I guess it is possible do those things even when you don't think you'll be able to. I guess that's a good thing (as Martha might say.)

Unfortunately, as has been the case since maybe sometime back in high school, I find myself underwhelmed with excitement for the coming summer. Sure I'm looking forward to warm days, but most of them will probably be uncomfortably hot. And I really do tend to miss the absence of routine that the summer seems to entail. Of course I've done my best to cobble together some kind of regular class and work schedule, but it's loose and ambiguous at best.

I'm going to be taking German of all things and working for 3 weeks in August from 6 to 9 p.m. This is bizarre and troubles me because I like French and I like working in the morning. But this is what I've been given, so this is what I'll do.

I hope to do other things this summer as well, which are only possible when the routine is less structured. I want to cook more, buy potted herbs which I will attempt to keep alive on the back patio, run a few road races (provided my knee holds up), read books for no academic benefit whatsoever, and redecorate a little.

I'm not sure how long the trials will last, what will happen next, how I will feel. But I think I will emerge stronger; in fact I think I already have. I'm no Superman, but I'm definitely tougher than I thought I was. I hope I can continue to surprise myself.