Sunday, September 30, 2007

Lake Michigan

Monday, September 17, 2007

Love Hangover

Yes, it's another picture of flowers. But these aren't just any flowers. This was my bouquet. For my wedding. See, now I'm married.

And, to follow up on the last post, I again feel like I just went through a life-changing experience. But not for the obvious reasons. I really don't feel any different because I'm married. I feel different because I just spent a weekend surrounded by people that I love and that evidently love me just as much. It was profoundly exhausting but also kind of like paradise for me. Never have I had so many close friends and family members in such close proximity at one time. It made me feel fantastic, and it made me feel like I take these people for granted too much of the time. I'm really hoping I don't forget how great these people are and that when opportunities present themselves to see these people in the future, I snatch them up because I remember how great it was to spend time with them this weekend.

Of course, I'm also glad they went home. I love them to death but I don't think I could have handled one more second of such happiness. And I mean that very literally. My body doesn't seem to be equipped to deal with constant joy and excitement. I need a vacation consisting of loneliness and ennui just to get over it all.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A Whole New Me?

It's hard to actually watch yourself change over a given period of time, but I think this summer seems to have been an exception. I can safely say I am a different person now. Of course I'm not sure how exactly, and a lot of my characteristics (good and bad) seem pretty much the same, but there is an undeniable feeling that I have transformed into something that I was not before.

The part of me that hates all change (a part that takes up a good 90% of me) hates this. Vehemently. But the other 10% thinks I may have gotten a little stronger, a little better at focusing on perhaps the more important things in life. And I hope that this makes me a better person.

I keep thinking "When my life settles down again, I'll figure this all out" but the problem is, my life isn't going to settle down again any time soon. But maybe that's just it. There is no moment of settling down and figuring out. Time keeps going and nothing sits still long enough to be understood or controlled or managed in a satisfying way. This is maddening, but maybe I'm an iota closer to accepting it now. Maybe. We'll see.

p.s. The picture above is of a trio of dahlias. They're gorgeous, no?